What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
