That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
