Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
