the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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