you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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