He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
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This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
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you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Bring me that man meat
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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