Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
