Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
