i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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