I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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