You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
