Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
