someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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