He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
