I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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