I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Let's paint friendship bongs
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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