i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
