planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
