If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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