Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
