she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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