Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
