I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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