false alarm. still invincible.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
