he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
