my phone needs a breathalizer
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
