Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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