I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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