Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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