i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
