Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
