we have officially lost it.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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