Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
