if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
