you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
