peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
