Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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