just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
