I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
vagina is talking i cant
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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