i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
