Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize