More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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