She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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