Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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