We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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