And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
