plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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