why didn't you poke me back
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
