just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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