please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
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I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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