i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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