Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Someone signed my nipple.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
