actually, I'm a sock model
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
