lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
