You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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