maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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