it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
