a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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