We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We named our party play list daddy issues
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
