You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
