Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
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She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
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I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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