fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
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