I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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