that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize