i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
