Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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