Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
