why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
