O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
