Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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