I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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