Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
