Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
