I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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