yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
