A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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