There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
