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• (404): View more from Georgia

  her nose should be used as a dorsal fin

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?

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• (408): View more from California

  You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat

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• (716): View more from New York

  He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look

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• (760): View more from California

  Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?

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• (619): View more from California

  You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.

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