girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
