My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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