she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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