So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
