once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
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so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
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Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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